A personal essay
During a virtual meeting at work last week, a message popped up in the chat from one of my coworkers. “Sorry. I have to deal with a backed up septic system and/or drain pipe. I do not have the time to finish this right now, apologies.”
My manager is flexible when his employees’ personal and professional lives collide. When I had to run out to pick up my daughter one afternoon, he said not to worry. When my husband had a flat and I missed a meeting, he pushed it off. That day was no different, and he told my coworker to take whatever time he needed.
As the meeting continued and we discussed how to move ahead with the project (spoiler alert: we delayed it), a Whatsapp message dinged on my phone. This message reminded the neighborhood about our monthly wafer collection for Chesed 24/7. A moment later someone else asked if anyone was heading to a grocery. Then a request for organizations that take used clothing in good condition.
As I realized how much my community, and the frum community in general, supports each other, I started thinking. The coworker with a backed up septic system? That incident was the most recent of a string of bad fortune. His wife was in a car accident a few years ago and now requires full-time care. Someone has to stay with her at all times, and that’s usually my coworker. He was working remotely long before Covid happened.
A year later, his mother passed away, and then his father passed away, too. Now he’s trying to his parents’ house, which is in shambles and needs major work to make it market-ready. He’s also the only one who can supervise this work because his only other family member lives far away. Plus, there are some inheritance issues that require legal intervention, and he has to digitize every document, every note, and every text message his father sent over the last five years.
All these things pull my coworker away from his professional responsibilities. He’s had to disappear from meetings to speak with his lawyers. Just last week, he missed a couple of days to supervise the installation of a new roof on his parents’ house. A few weeks ago, he had to take care of a medical emergency for his wife because the nurse they hired never showed up. At the same time, he has a seven-year-old who wants to spend time with his parents. His life is hectic, and somehow, he manages to stay positive through all the curveballs life throws at him.
But what if he were in our world? What would his life look like then?
His lack of a support system is in such stark contrast to what our community looks like. I had a baby a few months ago. The moment it was posted to my neighborhood chat, I had three or four messages asking about a meal train. My husband received messages from the men he’s friendly with, too. When we had a family emergency, several organizations were there to help, and the rav of our shul kept in touch to make sure everything was okay. One Friday night over the summer, Hatzalah rushed over moments after I called. And those are just the organizations and people who helped me and my family. There are so many more out there whose help we’ve been fortunate enough not to need.
If my coworker lived in our community, he’d have nonstop support. His wife could spend time with a volunteer and get out of the house more often. Their son could join programs for children in similar situations.
There’s so much good in our communities. We have people who volunteer to make dinner for new mothers. There are organizations that ensure hospital rooms are stocked with food. Other organizations take care of children who need a little extra attention. Sometimes, I think we take it for granted.
But when my teammate posted about his septic tank issue, it made me appreciate what we have in our world. No, I don’t think there’s an organization to help with sewage in your basement, but there’s so much more than that. That’s not even touching on the many, many tzedakah organizations that exist to help with everything from Shabbos food to setting up new couples for married life. There’s the army of volunteers ready to help, with different organizations dedicated to various causes.
And if you’re creating a new organization and need a cause, have you considered sewage services? I hear there’s a need.